From Struggle to Strength: The Transformative Power of Sitting with Pain

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” — Kahlil Gibran

In business, as in life, we all face discomfort, uncertainty, and pain. When these moments come, our first instinct is often to escape the hurt through distraction or avoidance. But in these periods of profound struggle, the most valuable lesson we can learn is to reflect and not deflect.

Sitting with pain rather than evading it may seem counterintuitive, but moments of discomfort hold the key to personal and professional growth. Reflection allows us to face challenges with clarity, while deflection only delays the inevitable confrontation with the truths we must address.

The Dangerous Temptation of Deflection

Deflection is a survival mechanism. It’s easy to avoid difficult conversations, unsettling emotions, or troubling business results. Blaming external circumstances, immersing yourself in busyness, or focusing on minutiae—all these tactics make the pain momentarily bearable. But like trying to outrun a shadow, the unresolved issue always lingers, waiting for the chance to resurface.

A recent study by the American Psychological Association found that 68% of people use distraction to cope with emotional stress. Whether it’s endless scrolling through social media or focusing on the minor tasks of the day, this avoidance doesn’t resolve the underlying issue—it only postpones the inevitable. Deflection is like placing a bandage on a wound that requires stitches: the temporary fix feels reassuring, but the injury remains.

The Transformative Power of Reflection

Reflection requires courage. It demands that we sit amid discomfort and face our pain head-on. But those who choose to reflect rather than deflect often emerge from hardship stronger, wiser, and better equipped to tackle future challenges.

Consider Howard Schultz, the former CEO of Starbucks. In 2008, the company faced major financial losses and the closure of hundreds of stores. Rather than blame the economy or other external factors, Schultz took time to reflect on the deeper problems within Starbucks. By confronting the company’s overexpansion and loss of focus on its core values, Schultz led a remarkable turnaround. His reflection, not deflection, resulted in the strategic decisions that allowed Starbucks to reclaim its position as a global leader.

Reflection is not just a business tactic—it’s a way of facing life’s challenges with intentionality and integrity. By sitting with our pain, we gain:

1. Clarity about the Source of Pain: Reflecting forces us to dig deep and confront the actual cause of discomfort. For example, is a business failing because of external forces, or is it struggling due to internal communication breakdowns or strategic misalignment? In relationships, is the pain caused by someone else’s actions, or does it reflect our unresolved issues?
2. Valuable Lessons from the Experience: Pain, when reflected upon, becomes a teacher. It reveals our limitations, fears, and hidden strengths. Winston Churchill famously said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” This speaks to the power of endurance in difficult times. Rather than avoiding discomfort, those who sit with it learn resilience, emotional intelligence, and perseverance.
3. Inner Strength and Mental Toughness: Great leaders and successful individuals are not those who avoid hardship but those who learn to thrive in it. Reflecting on pain builds mental toughness and cultivates the emotional discipline needed to succeed in adversity.

Reflection vs. Deflection in Business

Challenges are inevitable for small business owners. Whether it’s cash flow problems, customer dissatisfaction, or team misalignment, these issues can create significant stress. In these moments, it’s tempting to deflect—to blame external factors or to dive headfirst into distractions. However, reflection often reveals the real, actionable problems that must be addressed.

Take the story of James Dyson, the inventor of the Dyson vacuum. After 5,126 failed prototypes, Dyson could have deflected, blaming manufacturers or market conditions for his lack of success. Instead, he reflected on each failure, learning from every setback. His perseverance ultimately led to developing a revolutionary vacuum and a multibillion-dollar company.

In business, reflection creates the space for better decision-making. It allows us to pinpoint inefficiencies, understand customer dissatisfaction, and realign our strategies with our goals. Conversely, deflection only keeps us spinning our wheels, unable to make real progress.

Practical Steps for Meaningful Reflection

Sitting with pain doesn’t mean wallowing in it. Reflection is an active process of learning, understanding, and growing. Here’s how to approach it:

1. Create Space for Stillness: Noise is constant in today’s world. Carve out intentional time for quiet reflection, whether through journaling, meditation, or simply sitting in silence. Allow yourself to feel the discomfort without rushing to solve it.
2. Ask Deep, Challenging Questions: Don’t ask, “Why is this happening to me?” Instead, ask, “What can I learn from this?” or “How can I grow through this experience?” Such questions lead to empowerment rather than victimhood.
3. Seek Clarity, Not Immediate Solutions: The goal of reflection is not to immediately solve the problem but to understand it. The correct answers will emerge as you gain clarity. Patience is key.
4. Embrace Vulnerability: Reflecting requires you to face uncomfortable truths. You may discover that the root of a problem lies in your own decisions or attitudes. Embracing this vulnerability is the first step toward meaningful change.
5. Use Reflection as a Continuous Process: Growth doesn’t happen in a single moment of reflection. Make reflection a habit. It’s a tool to guide you through the good and hard times.

Moving Forward: Pain as a Pathway to Growth

Deflecting might provide temporary relief, but reflection leads to long-term growth. In difficult times, the act of sitting with your pain and reflecting on its lessons is what transforms hardship into wisdom. Whether leading a business through a crisis or navigating personal challenges, reflection empowers you to emerge stronger and more aligned with your goals.

Psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, who survived the horrors of the Holocaust, said: “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” In the midst of pain, reflection allows for that transformation. It enables you to harness the power of discomfort, not as a force to destroy but as a catalyst for personal and professional growth.

So, next time you face hardship, resist the urge to deflect. Instead, choose reflection. Through it, you will find the strength, wisdom, and resilience to thrive—not just survive.